where darkness reigns for three months of the year
and, when you think you've had all you can stand,
the endless summer days start drawing near.
They've saunas, reindeer, Kiisseli and then
there's Santa Claus and lakes all laced with mist:
how shocked would you be, on a scale of ten,
if I told you that none of it exists?
It's just a myth, coz Reddit told us so
(they've never ever* steered us wrong before).
So promise me that you won't seek to go
to see that non-existent fjord-y shore.
Helsinki is a Finnish fantasy –
there's nothing there at all but open sea.
|This view is completely imaginary|
*There is very weird a conspiracy theory on Reddit that suggests that Finland is an imaginary country, and that there's nothing but sea between Russia, Sweden, Norway and Estonia. In this version of reality, Finland does not exist. This is clearly UTTER BOLLOCKS, but it seemed like a pretty interesting premise for a poem. In reality, Finland is a very real place, and it's pretty beautiful! (Thanks to Kelly Kanayana for the poem idea!)